Thinking About Adoption?

by Scott Hamilton, Esquire

The decision to parent is a life-changing one that requires commitment and dedication. You are given a little infant, who is dependent on you for their every need and this responsibility continues, with change, throughout their lives. Becoming a parent brings new issues and circumstances to address. Raising an adopted child takes as much commitment as bringing up biological children. Adoptive parents face and must deal with issues and circumstances that are somewhat different than those faced by parents of biological children, but are essential to the development of the child. Before a couple decides to adopt, they must first settle several issues, the main one being that this is a joint decision. Both spouses must be in 100% agreement. Many times this is an obstacle that must be overcome by the husband. He cannot acquiesce to the wife's desire to adopt merely to meet her desire to have a child, or another child. Because of the issues that will be faced at a later time, both adoptive parents need to be certain that adoption is the way they should proceed. The second issue is that adoption cannot be viewed as second best by either spouse. If the couple feels that they are settling by adopting, this attitude will be felt by the child and will have a negative impact during his childhood and later years. Adoption should be viewed as an alternative route in accomplishing the desire to have a family, which when finalized makes the child no less part of the family than a biological child. An analogy is our relationship with God. Accepting Jesus as Savior precedes our adoption into God's family, and through this we become heirs to all He possesses as if we had been born directly into His lineage. Once these two issues have been addressed and resolved then a couple can consider the basics of the adoptive process. The issues involved in this procedure are too numerous to cover in one, or even two articles, but we will touch on most areas in future columns.

Since my adoption practice focuses on private domestic adoptions (within the United States), future articles will focus on issues related directly or indirectly to that area. I would, however, like to touch briefly on international adoptions. These are handled through adoption agencies, and here in the United States there are several exceptional Christian agencies to choose from. Because of the political climate that exists in some countries, the opportunity to adopt internationally is very possible. A recent example is the increase in Romanian children that became available for adoption. Because the political climate can change in a very short period, the availability of children from some countries can also change. Many of the Asian countries have consistently been open to international adoptions. If a couple is interested in international adoption, I would suggest contacting as many agencies as possible to obtain their literature regarding their specific procedures and costs. Adoption periodicals, pamphlets, and books usually contain lists of agencies involved in foreign adoptions. The agency would be able to provide a detailed list of countries where they are working, the length of time to wait, and estimated cost of adoption. An issue to contemplate when considering international adoption is that some agencies require one of the spouses to travel to the country of the adoption and reside there until finalizing the legal formalities. Check with the individual agency to obtain exact details on their international adoption process. Being an adoption attorney, and having had the privilege of adopting two children, I have viewed this process from both perspectives. I have been in the financial, emotional, and psychological "shoes" in which many potential adoptive couples find themselves. Because of this unique position, I can empathize with the couples over many of the questions and concerns they have in this process. Not only do I view adoption from the aforementioned perspectives, I am also a Christian. I believe that every child conceived, is molded and created by God, in the womb, from the time of conception, and at that time the child becomes an eternal person. Since a large majority of the child's spiritual influence comes from his parents, I will place children only in homes where both parents are professing Christians. In future articles I will address issues involving the basic procedure of adoption, why both birth parents must consent to the adoption, dealing with birth mothers before and after placement, and other related topics. If you have any questions, you may contact me through Open Arms. I will attempt to answer these and other issues in future columns. ~ Scott